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Como Foil um lote do terrorista em sete etapas simples

Segunda-feira, outubro 1o, 2007
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O que você não é suposto saber

Nora Ephron

1. A fim foil um lote do terrorista, você deve primeiramente encontrar um lote do terrorista. Isto não é fácil.

2. Não apenas qualquer um pode encontrar e então foil um lote do terrorista. Você deve ter um incentive. O mais melhor incentive é ser um criminoso acusado, olhando um termo longo da prisão. Sob tais circunstâncias, seu advogado explicar-lhe-á, você pode reduz sua sentença agindo como um informant em um caso criminal, terroristas preferivelmente um de envolvimento.

3. O fato que você não conhece nenhuns terroristas reais não deve em nenhuma maneira deter o. A necessidade é a mãe da invenção: se você puder encontrar o material cru direito - um sad, doente, só, bêbedo, deranged, disgruntled ou apenas muçulmanos anti-Americanos lisos em algum lugar nos Estados Unidos - você pode fazer seu muito para possuir o terrorista.

4. Agora a parte boa começa. Dinheiro! O FBI dar-lhe-á lotes do dinheiro para fazer exame muito seu para possuir para fora o terrorista aos lotes dos jantares onde você, desgastando um fio, pode se gravar yourself que faz recomendações a ele sobre os alvos e as armas possíveis que puderam ser usados no ataque impending do terrorista que seu muito possuir o terrorista está indo mastermind, com sua ajuda. Comprá-lo-á mesmo um computador assim que você pode ir à terra de Google a fim mostrar muito seu para possuir o terrorista uma imagem aérea “secreta” superior do alvo que você sugeriu.

5. Mais dinheiro!! O FBI dar-lhe-á ainda mais dinheiro ao curso aos países extrangeiros com seu muito para possuir o terrorista, e fará sugestões sobre grupos que do terrorista você puder se encontrar com quando em países extrangeiros ditos.

6. Os meses e mesmo os anos passarão nesta forma, quando você começar essencialmente o FBI pagar por tudo que você. (Incidentally, seja certo que seu advogado negocia seu poço do cliente de despesa adiantado, ou você pode ser forçado - como o informant estava no exemplo do terrorista do búfalo - para protestar sua remuneração inadequada ajustando-se yourself no fogo na frente da casa branca.)

7. Em algum ponto, algo irá erradamente. You may have trouble recruiting other people to collaborate with your very own terrorist, who is, as you yourself know, just an ordinary guy in a really bad mood. Or, alternatively, the terrorist cell you have carefully cobbled together may malfunction and fail to move forward — probably as a result of sheer incompetence or of simply not having been genuinely serious about the acts of terrorism you were urging it to commit. At this point, you may worry that the FBI is going to realize that there isn’t much of a terrorist plot going on here at all, just a case of entrapment. Do not despair: the FBI is way ahead of you. The FBI knows perfectly well what’s going on. The FBI has as much at stake as you do. So before it can be obvious to the world that there’s no case, the FBI will arrest your very own terrorist, hold a press conference and announce that a huge terrorist plot has been foiled. It will of course be forced to admit that this plot did not proceed beyond the pre-planning stage, that no actual weapons or money were involved, and that the plot itself was “not technically feasible,” but that will not stop the story from becoming a front-page episode all over America and, within hours, boilerplate for all the Republican politicians who believe that you need to arrest a “homegrown” terrorist now and then to justify the continuing war in Iraq. Everyone will be happy, except for the schmuck you shmikeled into becoming a terrorist, and no one really cares about him anyway.

So congratulations. You have foiled a terrorist plot. Way to go.


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