NSA To Recruit Children


Hey, kids! Have you ever wanted to listen in on the conversations of other people without them knowing it? Create codes that allow spies in the field to get information about enhanced interrogation techniques without those killjoys at Amnesty International finding out?

Dress up as a totally extreme rapping turtle and get a blow job from a sexy lady squirrel? Well now you can, thanks to the Cryptokids– the NSA’s new program for young people and furfans.

The Web site, with detailed biographies of its cadre of rad furry spies, has had so much more effort put into it than we’re comfortable thinking about.

But it’s important to recruit children into the spy apparatus, as it’s the best way to get info on the parents. We call them “nature’s hidden listening devices”! As for the furries, well: do you want that fat sweaty guy in the raccoon suit working for us … or for the terrorists?