Minotaur Shit Economics

What is the similarity between George Osborne and Ed Balls? They both dance to a Phrygian flute. This was not always the case, for the economic policies of the Conservative and Labour Parties were once slightly more distinct. The blending of the species to form a ‘ConLab’ hybrid echoes the creation of the Minotaur — the bull-headed, half breed born to Queen Pasiphae of Crete after she had sex with a bull. This is not to infer that the Labour Party was raped by the Conservative Party, for successive Labour Party leaders lay with widely opened legs, inviting penetration.

The bastard born of this union, the Minotaur (minor tory), lived in a labrynth (of lies), awating to be fed on a supply of young boys and girls. It, thus, devoured the future.

Before this coupling of the representatives of Labour and Capital, they danced in different fashion. To borrow again from the Greeks, they once danced the Corybantum, with armed dacers striking their swords against their shields in a simulated battle. Such mock battles had an important place in the training of Greek youth, and formed a right of passage, rather like the rugby fields of Eton. The more rudimentary form of this combat dance was the Hormos, which was performed naked. It is not known if Etonians practice naked scrummaging behind closed doors.

The Bahilicos was a Bacchanalian dance, associated with the cult of Dionysus, and often ended in an orgy. Skilled dancers were trained to use all their body to get ‘the message’ across — the hands would be used excessively in emphasis (the milibandis); and exaggerated facial expressions would give the illusion of sincerity (the camerondis).

The audience loved it. They thought it represented reality. The best dancers, the ones that were applauded the most, were even allowed to marry into the ruling class. They were given golden crowns to wear, and could attain the rank of ambassador.

Yet, it is not the Hormos or Bahilicos that George Osborne and Ed Balls writhe to, unless behind closed doors. They dance to a Phrygian flute, performing the Geronos, or ‘chain dance’. The flute is played by the priests of Cybele, who wear costumes depicting the Skull and Bones. One takes the female part, the other — the male.

They touch each others wrists, and move in a maze-like fashion about the (political) stage, reenacting the story of Ariadne, who assisted Theseus to escape the Labrynrh after slaying the Minotaur. The half-breed has been destroyed, what now remains is a pure effigy. No longer do people gaze in horror at a bull-headed human. The new hybrid appears all human, but is mind remains that of the Minotaur.

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