Lying to Robert Mueller Is Just a Terrible Idea

Donald Trump announced last week that he has completed his written answers for special counsel Robert Mueller’s ongoing Russian collusion investigation. “I write the answers. My lawyers don’t write answers,” he said during an Oval Office bill signing when asked if he had completed the questions himself. “I was asked a series of questions. I answered them very easily.” Then he finished his choco-milk like a big boy, you betcha.

One question remains open and unresolved: Will Trump agree to a sit-down interview with Mueller? His attorneys make bold noises about how great a witness Trump would be, but here in reality, the lot of them would sooner be devoured by crabs than allow their client anywhere near the special counsel and a recording device.

The truth simply does not exist within the man, and his lawyers know it. If such an interview ever took place, Trump would lie with such volume and velocity that Mueller would have to invent a new crime to charge him with, like Double Super Mega Perjury With Extra Perjursauce or something. Common sense dictates such an event will never take place, but if Trump and his ego decide on a showdown, all bets are off.

Lying to Mueller, or to any investigator involved in the Russia matter, is an incredibly bad idea. A good lawyer already knows the answer before asking the question, and Mueller is a good lawyer. Exactly what he is doing and how he’s doing it remains largely unknown because his operation is more airtight than the space shuttle, but there are clues to be gleaned. Clue No. 1: Everyone who lies gets caught, because Mueller already has the truth from other sources. Clue No. 2: See Clue No. 1.

George Papadopoulos, former foreign policy adviser for Trump’s presidential campaign, did not see Clue No. 1. On Monday, he reported to a minimum-security prison camp in Oxford, Wisconsin, to serve a two-week…

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