Child abuse inquiry: Why can’t we find somebody fit to investigate the Establishment?

This investigation into child abuse has already been a marvellous success, before they’ve even agreed who’s going to conduct the thing. Because Fiona Woolf, the woman appointed to investigate the conduct of Establishment figures independently, including Leon Brittan, turns out to have had a number of dinners… with Leon Brittan.


… The answer is simple. The British Establishment needs to stop asking members of the British Establishment to investigate itself, its friends and family connections, because as you and I both know, the Establishment is only interested in self-preservation.

– Mick Meaney

That should make the investigation so much easier to carry out. Instead of going through the rigmarole of formal hearings, they can chat about it during pudding. Then her final report can read: “During my first interview with Lord Brittan, we agreed that as child abuse is rather a dry and stuffy issue; instead he’d show me his holiday snaps.

“As a result I have no hesitation in recommending that if you have been a victim of abuse, a fortnight in a villa in the Caribbean seems an ideal setting to relax and get over it.”

This is after the first person they appointed to run it turned out to be the sister of the Attorney General at the time. If they have to replace Fiona Woolf they’ll announce: “We have now appointed someone whose experience and impartiality can surely not be challenged – Lady Brittan, who will be ably assisted by Lord Brittan.”

Theresa May, who appointed her, insists Fiona Woolf only had dinner with the Brittans a few times, complaining that if we’re going to be that fussy who can we get? Her argument seems to be: “Well, everyone has been to dinner with Leon Brittan now and again. I suppose if we scour the council estates of east London we might find someone who’s only had him round for tea and whelks. It’s not his fault he’s so sociable.”