{"id":394173,"date":"2019-01-25T19:58:56","date_gmt":"2019-01-25T18:58:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/newswire\/i-decide-who-gets-into-college\/"},"modified":"2019-01-25T19:58:56","modified_gmt":"2019-01-25T18:58:56","slug":"i-decide-who-gets-into-college","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/newswire\/i-decide-who-gets-into-college\/","title":{"rendered":"I Decide Who Gets Into College"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n

NEW YORK\u2014Okay, the easiest solution to this whole college admissions controversy is to send all the applications to me and I\u2019ll go through them and tell you which students should go to Harvard and which students should go to Texas A&M and which students should go to Agnes Scott College and which students should go to Virginia Military Institute and which students should go to the Empire Beauty School and which students should stay home and go to the University of Phoenix.<\/p>\n

I have several special skills that are extremely rare among college officials.<\/p>\n

Numero Uno:<\/em>\u00a0I can tell the difference between a score of 428 on the math section of the SAT test and a score of 598 on the same test. (Hint: The second one\u2014the mean score of Asians\u2014is higher.)
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Numero Two-o:<\/em>\u00a0I can go through an 800-word essay and grade it for grammar. I can also parse it for bullshit. Anybody who writes stuff like \u201cIt was my grandfather, a medicine man, who first taught me about the stars\u201d is automatically eliminated. Likewise for \u201cI am a daughter, a sister, a student, a friend, but I am more than the sum of my parts.\u201d Should I go on? I don\u2019t care about the Joshua Tree that you walked past every day on your way to gymnastics class. Tell me why you wanna go to this particular college and what you think you\u2019re gonna do there. \u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d can actually be a good answer.<\/p>\n

Numero Three-o:<\/em>\u00a0I don\u2019t care where you came from or where you grew up or who your daddy was, and I especially don\u2019t care what color your skin is. Did you hit the books in high school? Are you gonna hit the books at some reasonable level next year?<\/p>\n

But since America\u2019s…<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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NEW YORK\u2014Okay, the easiest solution to this whole college admissions controversy is to send all the applications to me and I\u2019ll go through them and tell you which students should go to Harvard and which students should go to Texas A&M and which students should go to Agnes Scott College and which students should go […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[519],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-394173","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-newswire"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/394173","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=394173"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/394173\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=394173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=394173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/rinf.com\/alt-news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=394173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}