如何箔恐怖陰謀在7簡單步驟

How to Foil a Terrorist Plot in Seven Simple Steps如何箔恐怖陰謀在7簡單步驟

Monday, October 1st, 2007 週一， 2007年10月1日

1. 1 。 In order to foil a terrorist plot, you must first find a terrorist plot.在以鋁箔恐怖分子的陰謀，您必須先找出恐怖陰謀。 This is not easy.這是不容易的。

2. 2 。 Not just anyone can find and then foil a terrorist plot.不只是任何人都可以找到，然後箔恐怖陰謀。 You must have an incentive.您必須有一個激勵。 The best incentive is to be an accused felon, looking at a long prison term.最好的激勵是要被告重犯，從一個長期的刑期。 Under such circumstances, your lawyer will explain to you, you may be able to reduce your sentence by acting as an informant in a criminal case, preferably one involving terrorists.在這種情況下，您的律師會解釋給您，您可以降低您的一句署理作為一個報案人在一宗刑事案件，最好是一涉及恐怖分子。

3. 3 。 The fact that you do not know any actual terrorists should not in any way deter you.事實上，你不知道任何實際的恐怖分子不應該以任何方式阻止你。 Necessity is the mother of invention: if you can find the right raw material — a sad, sick, lonely, drunk, deranged, disgruntled or just plain anti-American Muslim somewhere in the United States — you can make your very own terrorist.必要性是母親的發明：如果你能找到合適的原料-傷心，生病，孤獨，喝醉了酒，錯亂，怨聲載道，或只是平原的反美穆斯林某處，在美國-您可以自己非常恐怖。

4. 4 。 Now the good part begins.現在，良好的部分開始。 Money!金錢！ The FBI will give you lots of money to take your very own terrorist out to lots of dinners where you, wearing a wire, can record yourself making recommendations to him about possible targets and weapons that might be used in the impending terrorist attack that your very own terrorist is going to mastermind, with your help.美國聯邦調查局會給你很多錢採取您自己的恐怖，以大量的晚餐，讓您，身穿絲，可以記錄自己提出建議，以他對可能的目標和武器也有可能被利用在即將恐怖襲擊事件，您很自己的恐怖是去策劃，與您的幫助。 It will even buy you a computer so you can go to Google Earth in order to show your very own terrorist a “top secret” aerial image of the target you have suggested.它甚至會購買你的電腦，以便您可以去Google地球，以顯示您自己的恐怖“絕密”空中形象的目標，您有建議。

5. 5 。 More money!!更多的錢！ The FBI will give you even more money to travel to foreign countries with your very own terrorist, and it will make suggestions about terrorist groups you can meet while in said foreign countries.美國聯邦調查局會給你，甚至更多的錢前往外國的國家與您自己的恐怖，並且會提出建議，有關的恐怖集團，您可以應付，而在說，外國的國家。

6. 6 。 Months and even years will pass in this fashion, while you essentially get the FBI to pay for everything you do.數月甚至數年將通過在這時尚，而你基本上得到美國聯邦調查局要付出的一切你怎麼做。 (Incidentally, be sure your lawyer negotiates your expense account well in advance, or you may be forced — as the informant was in the Buffalo terrorist case — to protest your inadequate remuneration by setting yourself on fire in front of the White House.) （順便一提，確保您的律師談判，您的費用帳戶，以及在前進，或者您可能被迫-由於報案人是在水牛城的恐怖案件-以抗議您的不足，薪酬設置自己的消防在白宮前的）。

7. 7 。 At a certain point, something will go wrong.在某一個點，一些會出亂子。 You may have trouble recruiting other people to collaborate with your very own terrorist, who is, as you yourself know, just an ordinary guy in a really bad mood.您可能無法招募其他人合作，與您自己的恐怖分子，誰是，正如你所知，只是一個普通的傢伙一個真正的心情不好。 Or, alternatively, the terrorist cell you have carefully cobbled together may malfunction and fail to move forward — probably as a result of sheer incompetence or of simply not having been genuinely serious about the acts of terrorism you were urging it to commit.或者，或者，恐怖細胞您已經仔細鋪著鵝卵石的一起可能發生故障，未能向前邁進-可能是由於純粹的無能，或根本沒有經過認真的態度，真正的恐怖主義行為，你敦促它承諾。 At this point, you may worry that the FBI is going to realize that there isn’t much of a terrorist plot going on here at all, just a case of entrapment.在這一點上，您可能會擔心，聯邦調查局是要認識到，有沒有太大的恐怖陰謀會在這裡的所有，只是一個案件圈套。 Do not despair: the FBI is way ahead of you.不要失望：美國聯邦調查局是前進的道路上你。 The FBI knows perfectly well what’s going on.聯邦調查局知道得很清楚是怎麼回事。 The FBI has as much at stake as you do.聯邦調查局已經高達在股份作為你怎麼做。 So before it can be obvious to the world that there’s no case, the FBI will arrest your very own terrorist, hold a press conference and announce that a huge terrorist plot has been foiled.所以，才可以明顯地向世界表明，有任何情況下，聯邦調查局將逮捕您自己的恐怖，召開新聞發布會，並宣布一個龐大的恐怖陰謀已被挫敗。 It will of course be forced to admit that this plot did not proceed beyond the pre-planning stage, that no actual weapons or money were involved, and that the plot itself was “not technically feasible,” but that will not stop the story from becoming a front-page episode all over America and, within hours, boilerplate for all the Republican politicians who believe that you need to arrest a “homegrown” terrorist now and then to justify the continuing war in Iraq.它當然會被迫承認，這個陰謀沒有進行超出了預先的規劃階段，並無實際的武器或金錢，參與，並陰謀本身就是“技術上並不可行， ”但不會停止的故事，從成為一個前線頁集所有超過美國，並在數小時內，樣本為所有共和黨政客誰相信你需要逮捕一名“本土”恐怖現在和當時的理由繼續在伊拉克的戰爭。 Everyone will be happy, except for the schmuck you shmikeled into becoming a terrorist, and no one really cares about him anyway.大家會很樂意，除了為schmuck你shmikeled到成為一個恐怖，沒有人真正關心他，無論如何。

So congratulations.所以祝賀。 You have foiled a terrorist plot.你有挫敗了恐怖分子的陰謀。 Way to go.要走的路。

See More: 看到更多的： Terrorism 恐怖主義

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This entry was posted on Monday, October 1st, 2007 at 10:04 pm and is filed under 此項目被張貼在週一， 2007年10月1日在下午10時04分，並提交下 War & Terrorism News 戰爭和恐怖主義新聞 . 。 You can follow any responses to this entry through the 您可以按照任何的反應，此項目通過 RSS 2.0 2.0 feed. 餵養。 You can 您可以 leave a response 留下的回應 , or ，或 trackback Trackback跟踪 from your own site. 從你自己的網站。

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How to Foil a Terrorist Plot in Seven Simple Steps如何箔恐怖陰謀在7簡單步驟