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De zieke Bedrijven van de Tabak van de Wetenschap achtervolgen

Maandag, 28 April, 2008

cig.jpgDoor Thill van Scott | Zij die klagen over hoe Internet of de vooruitgang in technologie genoeg niet heeft gedaan om ons slimmer of beter te maken kunnen echt niet herinneren welk leven als vóór één van beiden was. Voor één, nam het blootleggen van om het even welk type van openbare of privé informatie ladingen meer werk, vooral toen de beledigende partijen, van overheden aan vrij-verkopers, achter willekeurige legalese en de advocaten mochten verbergen die het afdwingen. Vóór Internet, werkten de overtreders in de schaduwen terwijl hun consumenten en burgers in het licht overexposed waren.

Maar met organisaties als zonder winstbejag Centrum voor Media en Democratie (CMD) en hun diverse oefeningen in burgerjournalistiek, hebben die ongelukkige dagen thankfully overgegaan. Controle uit één van hun interessantere geroepen wikiprojecten Maximum Weirdness, welke geweren door vrijgegeven dossiers van Universiteit van Californië, San Francisco De Bibliotheek van de Documenten van de Tabak van de erfenis en posten beide het boring en bizar resultaten op een wikipedia strikt gewijd aan Grote Tabak metaverse. Het zou als het wonkwerk op papier kunnen klinken, maar het juiste mengsel van sleutelwoordonderzoeken kan wat oog-opent veroorzaken, long-verpletterend lach. Is of dat schreeuwen? U beslist.

Denk na de machines met elektrostatische vallen die worden gebruikt om analyse van tabaksrook te leiden. Op de oppervlakte kan het als wetenschap lezen, maar ruwweg getrokken van een bibliotheekdossier het als iets uit voelt Begeindiger:

De machine is uitgerust met speciale controles voor parameters zoals rookwolkduur, interval tussen rookwolken, aantal rookwolken, automatische onderbreking van de rookwolken bij een bepaalde uiteindelengte, uitwijzing van het uiteinde, controle van rookwolkvolume… Tezelfdertijd tot twintig sigaretten van verschillende steekproeven kunnen worden gerookt… De machine is geschikt voor zowel het beperkte als vrije roken en een verandering tussen deze twee voorwaarden kan mechanisch in een paar seconden worden bereikt.

Wat er ook uw boot drijft, dude. Dat is tam in vergelijking met het proberen aan geef hard-ons-hard katten, wat is wat de wetenschappers bij Universiteit Tulane terwijl het proberen om de gevolgen te bestuderen van salpeteroxyde voor bouw deden. Minstens zij de katten één of ander Speciaal K alvorens en needling hun mensdom gaven te snijden: „Zesentwintig rijpe mannelijke katten werden… gekalmeerd met ketaminewaterstofchloride… en werden verdoofd met natriumpentobarbituraat. A vertical, circumcision-like incision was made to expose the two ventral corpora cavernosa and the dorsal corpus spongiosum. A 30-gauge needle was placed into the right corpus to permit administration of the drug into the penis. A 25-gauge needle was placed midway into the left corpus for the measurement of intracavernous pressure.”

Normally, nitric oxide is a free radical pollutant belched from cars and factories, but who knew that having it mainlined into your penis from a couple of needles would give you an erection? Well, Tulane evidently, and now you. It’s may be a urologist’s dream, but most likely it’s a cat’s worst nightmare.

Of course, there are more damning documents. Brown and Williamson’s 1967 brainstorming session suggesting cocaine-enhanced cigarettes or signing on Fonzi from Happy Days as a celebrity endorsement is a good one. One interesting British American Tobacco Company document puts nicotine’s lethality into perspective, as its suits try to figure out ways to compete with harder drugs like heroin, cocaine and, yes, glue, all the while rationalizing that cigarettes might one day become as passe as pipes. Punch in some marketing keywords and you’ll find everything from proposals for celebrity smokers programs to cigarettes defiantly named after Death, or even the Black Death. The latter’s brainstorming one-sheet, courtesy of Philip Morris, is especially tactical in turning tolerance on its head with a four-point Bill of Rights for people who may be able to indirectly kill you if you’re near them while they’re smoking. “Black Death cigarettes are a direct protest from smokers against the strongly increasing intolerant anti-smoke movement,” it clumsily proclaims without irony about its ironically titled product. “Black Death smokers want to maintain their rights and they do not want to be socially discriminated by arbitrary legal measures.”

Word for word, the grammatically challenged pitch alone says more about the tobacco industry than all the Joe Camel ads you’ll ever read and throw away. After all, who else but the tobacco industry could complain with a straight face about intolerance and discrimination over a proposed product literally called the Black Death?

But there’s a wiki full of these in Maximum Weirdness, with room for more and with our best interests in mind. The opensourcing movement has changed the way information is compressed, computed and compiled, as well as how it is valued. Information may want to be free, as the internet maxim goes, but it takes public participation in citizen journalism through projects like this to make it happen.

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Have Your Say: The Sick Science Tobacco Companies Pursue
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This entry was posted on Monday, April 28th, 2008 at 3:33 am and is filed under Business News, General . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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